You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
