john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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