yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
