Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
