If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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