Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
