My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
