Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
