went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
