Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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