eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
