when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
