the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
