There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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