I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
