god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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