I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
she woke up with a sticky ear
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
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