so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
