I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
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