So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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