Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
