I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I looked at my own cervix.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
