i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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