My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
