swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
