haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
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You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
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It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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