Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize