I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
