Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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