I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
