Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
