The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
