I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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