Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
