i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
