One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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