and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
