I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
