you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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