i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
