Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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