My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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