i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
