So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
