im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
