Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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