I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
