I didn't shave. On purpose
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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