she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
