I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
