are you so shy because you have an std?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
