I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
