Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
If that was your dad, he is hot
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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