Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
