ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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