The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
