make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
