Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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