would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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