My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
