he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
