i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
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