i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
