Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
