My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
