I just saw a hot homeless man
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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