I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
