plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
