There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
