never play flip cup with pint glasses
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
