Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
