Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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