If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
