; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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