I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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