how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
