We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
