They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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