I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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