did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
