well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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