Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Redeem this text for a blowjob
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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